Not Happily Ever After...

After 9 years together my husband & I have ended our marriage. Somewhat of a mutual agreement but a very, very sad situation. How did we get so wrapped up in life that we lost the love. He was my best friend, my soulmate. And now I feel like I have a HUGE hole in my heart & my life.

I'm packing up our dream home. Jesse & I are moving to a smaller place. Do you know how hard it is to fit your life in a 1300 sq ft house with a 800 sq ft basement into a 950 sq ft house? It's hard. Do YOU know how hard it is to separate 9 years of intertwined lives. It is so damn hard there's days I don't think I will survive - like someone took all the breath & life out of me when he walked away. Do YOU know how hard it is to wake up & face this world without the love of your life by your side? DO YOU KNOW HOW DAMN BAD IT HURTS? Do you know how tired I am. Tired of packing, tired of crying, tired of trying to be strong, tired of trying to move on? Do you know that my daughter is holding it together for me. She's carrying me thru this rather than vice versa.

I removed our wedding flower and the motorcycle we bought together and my FAVORITE picture of us together from my blog page. Poof just like that gone. Deleted. No more. I wish the pain & the tears & the misery could be deleted just as easily.

But he LOVES Jesse so much... drove all the way to Fresno for the WBA Band & Color Guard Championship... to see her final performance of the season. And knowing that man & how much he loves her, he'll be at her competitions next year too, and the year after that, and after that, and after that.

At least it's not an ugly ending, just sad. There's no fighting. No yelling. No ugly words or accusations. It's just over & I am so very sad. At least when we see each other it's not awkward. At least we still like each other enough to be civil & communicate like reasonable adults. At least he's still in my life, even if it's not as my husband & my Happily Ever After.

A Good Lesson Learned Well...

My parents, as well as the Bible, taught me not to judge people. But sometimes 1st impressions are hard to get past. Tonight I thank God that the good lesson I was taught was learned well... and still practiced today.

One of my very best friends owns a Tattoo Shop & to say the least I spend a lot of time there, as a client & a friend. Now we all know that often times there are what may be referred to a "shady" characters hanging out at tatt shops. This evening, just after dusk, when it was starting to get pretty dark, I was walking up the walk to go into the shop. There was a man standing near the walk whom I took as one of the "less fortunate" that often sleep on the steps of the shop or stand outside & bum smokes. Despite that first (second & third) impression I spoke politely to the man & with respect any fellow human being deserves. I made my way safely into the shop and found my friend. I didn't mention the man nor the brief conversation because it was unremarkable. When we were leaving the shop, my friend said "I'd like you to meet my dad..." and he introduced me to the man whom I had spoken to when going into the shop...

Updates aren't always fun...

I went to the doctor on Wednesday. Good news and bad... my anemia is resolving nicely but I am extended off of work until the 3rd because they still don't know why I lost so much blood & where I lost it. The doctor found some masses in my stomach. He casually tells me "Of course it could be cancer" but probably not since I don't have a sudden weight loss. His other line of thinking is that they are ulcers that have become encapsulated so... full torso CT scan & a colonoscopy for me! Sounds like a blast!

The other problem is my fasting blood sugar was 155. Hopefully it was a lab error or just a fluke (I have been known to eat without realizing it so maybe I wasn't really fasting). I fasted for 12 hours yesterday and he had my labs redrawn. Please pray that I am not diabetic!

I just finished my first Zumba workout. Dear Lord in Heaven & Earth I thought I was gonna die... and I did the short version. Thank God cancer isn't taking off the weight & I have plateaued so it's time to get moving. I'd like to loose 25 more pounds (I've lost 40 since the 1st of the year) so now I have to get my but moving. Especially if I am diabetic.

Last Sunday we celebrated Duck's Sobriety Birthday... 20 years clean & sober. Sunday the 1st I will have 10 years clean & sober. He got me more ink for my birthday & anniversary. He paid for all my background work to be done on my sleeves. Today I have an appointment at 11 am to start filling in the flowers. This is the meat & potatoes. I've been waiting a long time for this. I'll post pictures soon.

I went out with the girls the other night. We had so much fun. We went to Chevy's for happyhour then we went BOWLING! I suck at bowling but they do too so we ended up having a blast! I'm ready to do it again girls!

Jesse just got home from spending a week at my parent's house. She's with Ben this weekend and next then school starts. She's so proud off her job. She bought all her school clothes and supplies (except what my mom got her). I'm so proud of her too. 13 years old and working a job and learning to support herself and saving $ in a savings account. Good for her!

Jesse's gone this weekend, Duck's taking some alone time on the bike & doing an overnighter and the bike. I shoot a wedding all day Saturday & Sunday I get the whole day to myself. My favorite book PILLARS OF THE EARTH was just released as a mini-series on Net Flix so I think I'll spend Sunday watching that.

Not much else to share... I'll post pix soon. Hope you all have a great weekend.

Casie, too! And Too Much H2O

I almost forgot... Casie was one of the girls from the unit that came up & took care of me while in the hospital. She made me a great doggy Get Well Card, too. As a matter of the fact several of the girls made me scrap book style Get well Cards. They are all too good to me!

There was just too much water in the basement and the carpeting was too wet. It was starting too reek & I'm allergic to molds so I just spent the better part of 2 hours cutting up and pulling out almost 800 sq ft of carpet. It's not very pretty under the carpet but I REALLY don't want anyone getting sick from deadly molds from water leaks.

Today we get to go shopping for all new riding gear, compliments of Farmers Insurance. It's part of what has to be replaced from the accident on May 1st. Helmets, leathers, shoes, everything will be replaced!! Shop, shop, shop... fun, fun, fun!

Shower time now...ttyl!

Catch Up & Clean Up (continued)

Well, big decisions about the surgery on Duck's arm. He made end up with no use of his hand if the surgery isn't successful. If it's a small area of the nerve that's being affected it MAY be reparable. If it's complete nerve damage the success rate is about 0% recovery with the possibility of loss of the use of his hand. Hmmm... numb fingers vs. worthless hand. I say NO WAY but it's not my decision.

So our washer has been on it's last leg, no, last toe for quite sometime and a friend of ours was selling a fairly new washer & dryer for &75.00... so we bought the. He brought them over last night, hooked em up & started to run it thru a cycle since it hadn't been used in a while & we went up stairs & all had dinner. I went into the basement a few hours later to find the whole basement (minus my closet, thank God) with 3 - 4 inches of standing water on the floor. This is the CLEAN UP part of the update. We had about a dozen people helping us take EVERYTHING out of the basement and 2 shop vacs sucking up GALLONS of water. The standing water is all gone but the carpeting is SOAKED and will take a bit to dry out. I've been saying I needed to clean out the basement but this is a bit ridiculous. Some things were ruined other just slightly damaged and still other are just fine. It's gonna take a while for everything to dry out and for me to sort thru it but I'm excited to see the basement when it's all put back together. A fresh start after living here for 5 years will be good.

AND the washer is fixed. A simple little tube came off & a friend of ours who was helping knew exactly what the problem was and just fixed it in about 10 minutes. So all's well that end's well....

That's it for now.

Catch Up & Clean Up Time!

It's been a long while since I've blogged, hasn't it so this would be the CATCH UP part of the blog.

We LOVE Ruby. What a great ride! Duck to me to SLO (San Luis Obispo). It was just a quick over-nighter but we put over 500 miles on the bike in less than 36 hours. On the way down I was blessed with being hit on the forehead by a rather large bug & although I'm sure the bug got the short end of the deal (he's dead), I was left with a "goose egg" above my left eyebrow. Never the less we forged on & made it to SLO in time to take a nap & catch an AA meeting. Then the highlight of the trip... we had dinner with Donny & JoJo. The food was great but the company was much, much better. A decade ago Jo saved my life... she saved me from myself & my life of self destruction & for that I am eternally great-full. She is beyond a shadow of a doubt the very best friend I have ever had. On the way outta town, I cried because I just didn't know when I'd get to see her again... We took Hwy 1 home up to Monterey. What a beautiful coast line we have here in Cali.

Remember how I said I didn't know when I'd get to see Jo again? Well guess what!! I got to see her again just a couple of weeks ago. She called & asked if we could meet them in Hollister at the Corbin Seat factory. Jes was gone & I was off of work so meet them we did. We hung out at Corbin for a bit then went & grabbed a bite to eat. Again the company was better than the food. Then we all rode back to Modesto together. It was the first time I got to ride with Jo & I just can't wait for the next time. And you know me, when we parted ways at Carpenter & Paradise I cried again.

So let's see, what else? Duck is going this AM for a consult for the surgery he needs on his right arm - a hernia repair. We're also waiting for surgery on his back. Yep. That accident May 1 resulted in a piece of vertebra being chipped off & it's pushing on a nerve. We're still waiting for that consult... wait wait & then wait a little longer. Man I wish we could just get it taken care of so we could tie up the loose string with the insurance from the accident.

I've had a bit of a problem with my health lately. About 3 months ago I fainted at the bank for no apparent reason. I didn't think too much of it... as a matter of the fact I forgot to even tell duck about it! Oooops! Then I started having trouble staying awake at work despite getting plenty of sleep. Then one day we were out at the reservoir. I'd been laying in the sun for a few hours when I asked Duck if he was ready for some lunch. When I was standing at the tail-gate making the sandwiches I started to get really dizzy & felt like I had at the bank so I just bent down & put my head between my knees. I felt better after a few seconds so I went back to making the sandwiches. Then I felt everything closing in & I told Duck that I didn't feel right & though I was going to pass out. Well that's exactly what I did. He tried to get me to the lounge I'd been laying on but I stumbled past it then he says I turned to look at him, my eyes rolled back in my head & I passed out cold for 15 seconds or so. There's only 1 thing more embarrassing than wearing a swim suit & that's passing out & landing flat on your ass in a swim suit! Then next day I was having some more ink work done & every time I stood up I felt dizzy & once I even though I was gonna faint again. That night I went to a meeting & was outside talking to a friend when I tried to faint AGAIN! He took me back inside & told my Life Coach that I needed to go to the hospital. So I did what every good health care professional would do... I went to my unit to try a self diagnose the problem with having my blood pressure taken & checking my sugar. The charge nurse sent me to the ER despite my BP & sugar being okay. Laura help get me through there quickly & next thing I know I was being ADMITTED!!! I NEVER get sick enough to go into the hospital but my Hemogloblin was 7 (should be 14) & my crit was in the 20's. So I was admitted received 2 blood transfusions & an "iron infusion". I was only in overnight but I've been off of work work nearly a month now. Feeling somewhat better but still not 100%. I don't try to faint anymore but I get tired & short of breath easy & I get headaches but "I will survive". My doctor did some follow up blood work (I don't have the results yet) & wants me to go for a colonoscopy... fun fun fun! Just shoot me now!

Some of my girlfriends from the unit took care of me while I was in the hospital. Thanks Laura, Sumi, Jessica, Casie, Laurie, Regina, Sarah & the others for taking care of me & the cards. You girls ROCK! And thanks Janet for keeping Jes. You are truly a blessing!

We took a little vacation to the reservoir for about 10 days. Roo was with us most of the time but had to come home a few days early. We played in the water in relaxed & took naps. It was great but again VERY tiring for me. But at least I didn't faint in my swim suit again! I got a nice tan going on though. I was asked yesterday if I was Hawaiian!

Opps. Outta time. Going to the doctor with my hubby so I'll finish up later.

2001 Road King..."Ruby" is Her Name

The Lord has blessed us again with a new bike & what a steal! We bought this 2001 Road King yesterday for $7400. We couldn't even argue the price with the guy~!

Jessica named her Ruby & she's a sweeet ride.

Sleeves of Love Finally Started!!!

Wayne Allen of Red Dragon tattoo kicks... well you get the idea. I have been forming this idea for a tattoo in my head for over a year now and Wayne is just the man to make it happen the way I want it to be!

I have too many people in my life that I love to have their names tattooed on me (besides... BORING! And I don't put names on my body anymore. I made that mistake once which is now a pair of beautiful flowers on my hip!)

Portraits are out too. I could have done a rainbow of colors for each birthstone but then I decided I really like flowers. I researched birth flowers for the birth months of the people I love put together a folder for Wayne with pictures and names of the flowers and what color I wanted each flower (I also included the name & birth month of the person the flower is for.... for my own info... I'm getting old & the mind isn't quite what it used to be)

We started yesterday. Wayne is AMAZING!! Since he was working on my shoulder & arm I could watch him work. Circles turned into sketchy, rough flowers which turned into better flowers. Then it was time to start laying the ink. My "quarter sleeve" has turned into a "half sleeve". He started by doing the outline of each flower in the color I wanted it to be then he added the heavy black lines called "weighted lines". The very top flower with the red outline is for my nephew Tyler (August is a Gladiola) & that one caused me the most pain - youch!!! The 3 flowers that are the same - Lily of the Valley - are for my adopted daughter Roo, & my dear friends Jessica & Narissa. The rose is for my sweet niece Mariah who was born in June. My brother & his wife are both born in July so I found two different flowers for July. The large, beautiful Water Lily is for my sister-in-law Lori & the Larkspur (the tailed, blue flow) is for Allen. I was most worried about the Larkspur because I had a hard time finding a good picture but Wayne came through. It is my FAVORITE so far! My dad was born in March & his flower is the Daffodil. And last but not least my mom's is the Morning Glory for her September birthday.

The other sleeve on my left arm will have the flowers for myself, Duck, Jessica, our wedding flower (& my favorite flower), Cristina & Jo Jo and last but not least, my mentor & dear friend Janet.

Both of these sleeves will be connected across my shoulders with vines & ivy (which represents fidelity).

I will continue to post pictures as the work progresses. Tattoos may not be for everyone but they are definately for me... especially when they are sleeves of flowers for the people I love!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of you Moms out there! My daughter gave me a GREAT Mother's day card & is baking me a white cake with strawberry & whipped cream toppings.... yum. It smells so good. I am truly blessed with the best kid in the world!

Well, Duck & I are still trying to recover from the motorcycle accident from last weekend. I'm doing better than him. He has something wrong with his back (pinched nerve?) & the MD wants to send him on to a pain management doc.

The insurance company totaled the bike. Since we own it out right we could have bought it back & salvaged it or let them take it & they'd give us about $4000 more than we paid for it. They towed the bike off yesterday so now we're in the process of looking for another bike. We also get new helmets outta the deal.

I got to do another little photography shoot last night. It was a dual 40th Wedding Anniversary party. It was a great party. I hope I got some good pictures for Lori-Cae.

My next shoot is a wedding.

Next weekend is my high school Alumni Reunion. We had planned on riding the bike out there but now.... We might be able to borrow a bike, but we'll see. It should be a fun time though.

I'm gonna look for a couple of netflix movies with Jesse & probably take a nice long nap.

I hope EVERYONE has a great day! Until next time... :)

TIme to Work

Well, my 9 days off of work have come to an end. I go back to work tonight... & I am READY! I miss my work & my friends. Tomorrow night I get to work with Cristina & Jessica! Yipee!

I didn't get to do as much house work as I needed to but I did get to spend a lot of quality time with Duck & Jessica. I almost felt normal cooking dinner & such. Duck abd I got to do a lot of riding which was soo nice & relaxing. We rode to Lake Camanche one day & Don Pedro the next. The last time we'd look at the website for Woodward Reservoir (where we normally go play during the summer) it said no swimming or dogs. We were checking out the other lakes because we want to go camping for a week this summer. Yesterday we rode by Woodward on the way home from Don Pedro. They've opened it back up for swimming & dogs so that's where we'll be this summer! We get a 50% discount there, too, because Duck is Disabled! Sooo GREAT!

Last night was the first night that I slept like a "normal" person & now I get to switch back to a night shift schedule. But I don't mind much. I like to sleep during the day & it's supposed to rain today. That always makes for good sleeping. But for now it's time to get Jesse up & off to school. Have a GREAT day!

Prodigal Women Unredeemed

Please help me to understand. I was a practicing alcoholic & meth addict for nearly a decade. In 6 days I will have been clean & sober for as long as I drank & used and yet there seems to be no redemption or acceptance from some people.

I am a 40 year old woman. A Neonatal Respiratory Therapist who has been a Respiratory Care Practitioner in good standings for 20 years. I am happily married to a man who is also in recovery. I have bought my own home, paid my taxes & never been on Welfare or financial aide of any sort. Never been arrested nor incarcerated. I am successfully raising a daughter who is 13 & although this is in a trying time in her life she is a FABULOUS person. I have a tremendous faith in God and have found salvation - & thus forgiveness - thru Jesus Christ. I am a good friend, good wife & good mother. I open my home & help the needy in recovery whenever possible, because someone did it for me. I am active in Alcoholics Anonymous, have a Sponsor, work the steps, & am the designated driver for my girlfriends who do drink. I have given up MANY of my old behaviors such as lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating, fighting (as in domestic violence), etc. I attend church with my family, try to live a morally upright life, and don't do anything, wear anything or put anything in or on my body that I would do in front of God and yet...

At 40 years old I am made to feel unacceptable, unredeemed, & less than because of choices I make in my life NOW, clean & sober and right with my Lord. My piercings (one is nearly 20 years old) are frowned upon, my tattoos scorned to the point of my hiding them. I am married to a biker & it has been made known the biker lifestyle is definitely NOT the appropriate lifestyle for my daughter to be raised around - yet the majority of bikers are the kindest, most generous, protective people I know. I am critiqued for my dress & often given things that would be more "appropriate" for a woman of 40 to wear. Apparently I don't own the "right" kind of dog, either. I have been asked when I will stop thinking of myself as an alcoholic/addict, which anyone in recovery knows is a DEADLY mistake. Basically I was asked when I was going to deny part of my identity & life. And a vast majority of my identity & life I am asked to keep to myself (or "covered up" & hidden away).

As a result I find that I have isolated myself from the judgmental people in my life & associate with people who accept me for who & how I am, today. I don't want to be made to feel ashamed of my piercings when I like them very much. I don't want to cover up my BEAUTIFUL tattoos - & yes some of the are nearly naked women - because someone else doesn't like to see them. I tend to associate with people who either ride or have ridden in the past & share the same "biker" passion & mentality. I choose friends with very similar belief systems & married a man who loves the Lord.

My daughter has found salvation thru Jesus Christ & is an AMAZING Christian, even though she is only 13. I have a LOT to learn from her.

I'd just like to know when, after walking away from the drugs & alcohol & domestic violence (& all the other things that go along with it), I will feel redeemed & accepted by all who say they love me.

When does the redemption come? When is the life I live now, which is clean, sober, honest, hard working, loving & caring more important that what is on my body? When do I get to stop trying SO VERY HARD to be respectful of other's opinions of what's acceptable & be true to myself? When will I be accepted for me?

Lazy Day & Can't Make It Go Away...

I am having the LAZIEST day I have had in a long time. Hubby says it's okay... but still. All I did was take the dog to the vet, get his shots, license him & clip his mails. WOW!

I tried cleaning my closet. That lasted about 15 minutes. I'm trying to eliminate some clothes. I managed to get rid of 1 top! Woopee! Things are gonna start happening now.

I think the weather is getting to me. I've been off of work now for 5 days & haven't gotten to ride with Duck once. Tomorrow the forecast says 70's so we plan on riding. That's gonna help with the blahs!

My family has eaten better since I've been off of work... or maybe I should say they've eaten more. Which ever it is I'm not hearing ANY complaints. Made homemade funnel cakes with powdered sugar, fresh strawberries & homemade whip cream the other night, mmmmm.

Gonna go out to dinner with my sponsor tomorrow night. That should be nice. She's old enough to be my mom & a real kick in the pants. Jesse babysits her disabled daughter which works out good for both my sponsor & Jes. Janet, my sponsor, gets a break & Jesse makes some $$$.

I could never NOT work. It's too boring. I know I needed the break with my family but something's gotta give. Either I go back to work or give into the ink bug....

New Ink Art!

Well, stupid Facebook wouldn't let me upload to an album so I guess this is the alternative... at least I can do some explaining about each one's meaning.

"Return to Innocence August 1, 2000"

This is the day I got clean & sober (& Meth became a part of my past)

Written over the devil girl pin-up "Angel in heels". She threw down her pitchfork as a symbol of laying at the evil in her life down or throwing it away.

"Fall from Innocence October 31, 1990"

The day I started using Meth. Written over "Devil in Heels" . the angel took off her halo & hid it behind her back.

All the writing was done freehand by Wayne Allen at Red Dragon Tattoo in Modesto

Chinese cherry blossoms behind each ear. My "Godparents" Ken & Silvia Lowe taught me to love the Chinese culture & much of it's symbolism. In the Chinese culture the cherry blossom represent female dominance/strength & sexuality. I had one placed behind each ear one for dominancy the other for sexuality.

Wayne Allen at Red Dragon Tattoo also did this work. Looks like I have a couple new tattooists & a new shop to have my work done at. It's a shame that Jenny, my old tattooist, isn't in town & is so hard to get ahold or but I am VERY pleased with my new art works.

Have a Colorful day!!

My New Tattoo.... Excellent work Bear!!

Long Time No Blog....

It's been a while, hasn't it. Life keeps zipping past faster & faster. Where DOES the time go?

Working a lot... I worked 7 out of 8 days with a class tagged on the end. Had a rough case during that time where we lost a baby girl. She was born too, too early to live. I know God has that sweet baby in his care but the pain of the parents is what kills me. Thank God I was working with a GREAT crew that night, all with strong belief systems. I got to watch one of my dear friends baptize the baby before she died. What a blessing!

I made the final amends on my amends list... what a relief! I though for the last 20 years this person hated me only to find out it was just one more lie Jessica's DNA Dad had told me. What I learned thru this... no one "got me started using dope" except for me. I may have started using WITH someone, but no one forced anything up my nose. I wish my mother could find some peace in that. Life is way too short to hold onto anger, hatred & BLAME. I was a big girl when I started screwing up & have no one to blame but myself. May 1st I will have been clean & sober for 9 yrs 9 months & 1 day, the exact amount of time I drank & used. WHAT AN ANNIVERSARY!!!!

So in celebration I'm gonna be the designated driver for another girls night out!

Speaking of girls night out... earlier this week 4 of us decided to go out to happy hour/dinner. I was the designated driver. What I didn't know is that they had planned a little surprise party for me with gifts & everything! I turned 40 at the beginning of the year but I didn't really tell anyone & besides, I was sicker than a dog. Thanks Sara, Cristina & Narissa. You guys ROCK. Narissa even played with my balls & screwed me in the mouth LOL - you crazy girl!! Thanks for saving me!! You took total control of the situation. Thanks God you were there!

I got a new tattoo yesterday. It's BEAUTIFUL. It's a Henna looking design of flowers. I had it done on the top of my foot. I didn't think I could find anyone to do it but Bear from Red Dragon Tattoo kicked butt! I'll post a picture of it soon. I'm going back this week for more work (Duck gave me his$200 gift certificate - thanks Babe). I'm finishing the tribute to my recovery/sobriety on my back with some writing & I'm getting chinese cherry blossoms as a tribute to my "Godparents" and the love of the chinese culture they taught me. In chinese, the cherry blossom represents strength, dominance & sexuality of women. I'd say that's the perfect tattoo for me.

Jessica goes to the DNA Donor's house this weekend. His new wife left him almost 3 weeks ago, slapped him with a restraining order & had the utilities shut off! He drove another women to seek shelter at The Haven (a bettered women's shelter). Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy as far as I'm concerned. YOU DON"T BEAT UP WOMEN!!

Not much else has been going on. Our basement dweller is leaving for Florida in about 5 or 6 weeks to go to school. Duck & I will probably go for a ride this weekend. The John Swett Reunion is in a month. I've dropped 30 pounds since January 1st but I'd like to try to loose 10 more before the reunion. Better stop trying & just do it, huh?

I think I'll try to go back to bed for a bit. Damn night shift hours reek havoc on my sleeping patterns. I'm becoming a night owl. But this is the sleepy time at work so maybe I can actually fall asleep in bed for a few hours before I have to get up and live during daylight hours.... goodnight.... or maybe it's good morning! Have a GREAT weekend!

Another photo Op

The wedding was a success! Lots of pictures taken - over 300 - so I should be able to find a few goods ones! I was telling some of my Memorial friends about the wedding & was asked if I would photograph - for $$$ - a 40th wedding anniversary celebration! Too cool!

I just made contact & amends with a very old friend - from about 20 yrs ago. I am so thankful that she has been able to forgive me over the years for the harm I caused. What a blessing. Not only did she accept my amends but she was happy to hear from me. I'm so glad! I wish everyone could be as forgiving - not so much of me but of others - hatred distroys the heart.

Jesse played in a symphony demo for the 6th graders who will be attending the same Jr. High as her next yr. I'm so proud of her music accomplishments... now if we could just get those grades back on track!

Duck went to an opening celebration of a new local church the other day and made from page of the Local section of the Modesto Bee. Then he went on an Ester Basket Run to benefit local recovery homes, bought 5 raffle tickets & won 5 prizes... including a $200 gift certificate for ink! He gave Jesse the pink & black Harley blanket, I got the skull cluth purse, the smog (for my car - it's due) & a $15 gift card for a local biker supply outlet! Yipee! I love how he shares so much of himself & what he has with us. For a man who only had a motorcycle when I met him, he has got to be the most generous person I know.

The most a person can give anyone is all of themself and Duck has done that for me and Jessica. And, ultimately, we have to be responsible for our actions & the path we choose for ourselves, good, bad or otherwise. Forgiving someone is ultimate freedom for self & isn't only a kind act towards the offender but a kind act towards yourself. I pray daily for the ability to forgive those who have wronged me a little bit more each day.

Have a great week!

Photo Op

Today I go to shoot my first wedding... for pay! I am so excited. I shot the fitting on Wednesday & took a couple a pix of the invitation with some flowers this am. I hope all tunes out well. The place their getting married isn't the prettiest so I'm gonna really have to try to work it today. Please pray. I'd hate to screw up someone's wedding pictures. I wish Jesse was home, not just so she could be there but she does a great job on reception candid photos. Gonna have to buy me a new camera so she can use my old one to help out in weddings. I'd pay her so it'd be a win win situation

I pray for their marriage... that is blessed & highly favored by our Father... that it is His will for their lives.

I also pray for our dear friends Chris & Alissa who just gave birth to a baby boy yesterday. May that child grow up to know our Savior Jesus Christ.

I am so glad for my friend Jessica who gets to stay in her home of the NICU at DMC. God is Good & he does answer prayers!

Have a great, sunshiney day!

Girls Night Out

Three hours of sleep (thanks to the time change) and I'm up & off to church with 3 teen girls who just raided my closet for clothes & shoes!!

Last night was Girls Night Out & it WAS a GOOD, GOOD NIGHT! We had a blast & Jac and Cristina's then went on clubbing at Bachus (WAAAAAYYY too many people for me!) then moved on to the Brave Bull (only to be damned to Hell by the "Christians" outside the club harassing the patrons - funny, I don't feel damned to Hell, Thank You Jesus!) Then we went to Denny's for that horrible, greasy post-party food that makes you think to yourself in the morning "Why'd I eat that?"

After church it's home & to bed to start the work week. Gotta go, Church Bells are ringin'....

It's FRIDAY!!!!

Yipeee... it's FRIDAY & it's gonna be a fun, busy weekend. I don't go back to work until Sunday night!

Today we get to go to the Harley Shop... for brakes. Kinda necessary for stopping on the bike. Tonight at church we rock out to good music & feel the needy. I'm making a couple of White Boy Casseroles to help the cause.

Jesse & 2 of her girlfreinds are going to the movies & then they're all spending the night.

Tomorrow night I'm going out with the Girls from work. I get to be the designated driver for my friends & after some drinks at Cristina's we're going dancing at Bacus... I can't wait but oh what to wear!

Hope everyone has a great & SAFE weekend!

Happy St. Patrick's Day...

Aaaaah! A full day off - from work not life- that is! I hope it's warmer today, brrrrr cold for yesterday.

I got to talk to my mom yesterday which I haven't been able to do for some time. Good chat. They just bought another snowmobile & wanted us to come for Easter but that just isn't gonna work out this year. There's a ton of snow at the cabin though, from what I understand. I hope they have fun & fall off a few times for me!

Isn't the world a funny place. I used to work with a girl who told me that if she saw me at the beach with my pin-up girl tatts showing she'd think I was a lesbian. Another one piped up (who's a very strong Christian in my book) & told me she didn't think so & that she understood why I like pin-ups & think women are beautiful & made to be appreciated. And yet I just had another person I used to work with dropped me as a friend from Facebook because of my St. Patrick's Day profile picture (a pin-up girl in {very little} green & a fat cat in what looks like a riding (motorcycle) helmet. Isn't it great that we can all have our own opinion & point of view!?

I do think women are beautiful & captivating & that God made us that way! The clothing industry nor fig leaves were part of his original plan & it wasn't until "sin" & "knowledge" came into the picture - thank you very much Adam & Eve - that anyone had any idea what "nudity" even is! We could all be running around nude or scantly clad RIGHT NOW (although it is pretty darn cold)!!! I think God did a much better job with the female appearance than the male & have a great appreciation for his artistic beauty in women & not just physically. Women are intriguing & captivating & motivating & deep & very much to be admired inside & out.

I told the women who dropped me as a Facebook friend that I wasn't offended at all. She probably wouldn't have very many of my tattoos or piercings nor wear much out of my closet either. Although with her being German Baptist, I wouldn't wear her bonnet nor dresses either. To each their own & that's what adds color & spice to life & the world... individuality!

I hope you all have a spicy day!

Good sleep today... about 7 solid hours so I should...should...be good for work. I think next schedule I'm going to change it up a little. Working 4 nights in a row is rough physically but I also feel out of touch with my family & my house gets messy (because I walk in & drop everything & it stays there until I have a day off). So two more nights & then I'm off for about 5 days! Yipeeee!

Had a "family" counseling appointment today & the DNA Dad canceled at the last minute...yipeee! So it was a good afternoon with Jesse. Even took the time to go get a frozen yogurt together. That was a treat (to eat & spend the time together). I think she's going to start a 6 week baseball program near our house which will be good for her, although she starts physical therapy for her knees this week.

Just looked at the clock & gotta go make some bacon to pay the bills. Have a great night.... I will cuz "Tonights gonna be a good, good night" Black Eyed Peas

Brrrrr. The overcast, cold weather is back, at least it is in Modesto. No riding for me today but not because of the weather. I work tonight so I get to sleep today & it's perfect sleeping weather. Gonna have a cup of coffee, see Jesse off to the DNA donor's house, fold some laundry next to the fire & it's back to bed I go. Have a great day!

No Rain But It Sure Was COOOOLD

Just made it back from our ride & lunch. No rain but there wasn't a whole lot of sunshine either which made it pretty darn brisk on the back of the bike. Daddy's going to polish the bike now since it's overcast & the bike is "filthy". I have turned on my little heater, grabbed my hound & am off to take a nap. I love sleeping during the day... it feels like you get a little extra treat while the rest of the world has to work. Of course most of the world is sleeping when I work, too. But night time was made to sleep. Sleeping during the day is just special! Nighty-night...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Time to Ride

Up early this morning to get all my chores done. The Harley shop opens at 9 am. Gonna make a "quick" stop there then my honey is taking me for a ride. Gonna go out 99 to 120 & make a stop at the new Lathrop Harley shop on Hwy 5. We'll probably stop for a bite to eat somewhere then make it home in time to pick up Jesse. She's already asked if Daddy can pick her up on the bike. Duck's a pretty lucky guy... he ended up with 2 girls to call his own & they both love to ride! Not to mention that we are pretty lucky girls... we love to ride & Daddy has a Mo-Mo again. How blessed & highly favored we all are! Gotta run or rather, gotta ride! Have a GREAT day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! I hope you have a great day. Nope, the card's not in the mail... I just missed it between root canals, work, moral extractions & such. But I love you very much & miss you terribly! Congratulations on your new snow mobile. I love you mucho much! xoxo Cheri

Well I am officially no longer an employee of Memorial Hospitals Association...as of 2.23.10! It was just God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. I am solely employed by Doctor's Medical Center of Modesto! And the response there has been overwhelming! DMC is so glad to have me & I am soooo glad to be there.

Going for another girls night out on the 13th & I got this hot little dress to wear. I can't wait. Being the DD has it's advantages, that's for sure! It should be a blast... well I know it will be cuz Cristina, Jac & Sara will be there for sure & about a dozen others have been asked to come with us, too. ya know, I never got invited out by the MFBC girls after I stopped drinking, unless it was a family deal. I guess I was a downer since I don't drink. Haven't heard from much of anyone - just a handful from MFBC. Last night a lady at work was feeling bummed cuz she was gone from work for a while & she only heard from 1 person from work & that was thru facebook. Try working someplace 15 years & getting an occasional "Hi". We make our own sunshine & I'm not living in a Pity Party anymore! I'm so thankful for my new friends & co-workers.

Better finish getting ready for work. Last night was a good night.... what am I talking about, EVERY night at DMC is a good night. Until next time...

What Just Happened?

I went to the bank... big mistake since it's the 1st, but I HAD to make a deposit. The lady in front of me kept complaining how warm it was in there but I didn't notice it being particularly warm. Anyway, when it was my turn I went up to the window & was the teller started processing my transaction I started to feel faint. I bet over to put my head below my heart but when I stood up I told her I needed to sit down then BLAM! The next thing I know I'm flat on my ass in the middle of the bank. Thank God I didn't hit my head on the tile floor. They got me a chair & some water & a couple pieces of candy (incase it was a blood sugar problem) but what the hell?!?! I never faint.

So now I'm going to bed, not so much because I fainted but because I go back to work tonight. Digger Dog Bruiser is sprawled out on my bed. I hope he stays & sleeps with me. I sleep good when he's with me.

Those belly pictures turned out great too. The couple was very happy with them so I posted a couple of em. Good night!

Up late & hurting mouth

I napped off & on all day & am now up late. My mouth still hurts a lot... more than I expected from a simple extraction... but then again I was sent to an oral surgeon because it was a moral extraction.

This is in long stretch off of work. I'm trying out a new work schedule: 2 on, 3 off, 4 on & 5 off. I'm in the middle of my 5 off & it seems life forever. I wish I could have gotten some riding in during this stretch off but it wasn't to be. My tooth took precedence. have a root canal on my next stretch off... yipeee! Getting old or at least having your teeth get old sucks.

I've met my 2nd New Years resolution. 20 pounds down! That's a good thing. It's nice to fit into some of my old clothes. But it's time to refocus & take off another 10. I have an alumni reunion in May & would like t be down more pounds by then. I guess I'm gonna have to start exercising to help reach that goal...yuck! It's not so bad once I'm in that exercise groove it's just so hard to find that's groove. I can wait for the weather to warm up so i can ride bikes with my friend Jessica.

The dog is snoring. Cute new pix of him. We've nick named him digger dog. He almost looks like one of those lawn statues where you can only see the ass-end of the dog because he;s dug himself so deep. This is bout as deep as it gets for Bruiser because hi legs are so short.

I finally up loaded about 150 pictures to facebook from 7/4/07. Man we had a GREAT time that day. I take so many pictures that a lot of them just seem to get lost in my computer. But when they're found again it's like a stroll down memory lane. It's fun to remember the days of past. Man, Jesse sure has grown up over the last 2 years. She's lost a lot of baby fat & is becoming a beautiful young lady. She's already boy crazy & it won't be long before the boys are Jessica crazy. That's when Duck says the shotgun comes out & Jesse gets locked in the basement. Aaaaah... a father's love.

I'd better get to bed. I'm gonna try to make church tomorrow & I have a baby shower for the women I took the "belly" pictures of. I think I'm getting sleepy enough it give it the old college try. There's nothing sweeter than working night shifts & actually sleeping with the one you love. I even made dinner several time during this time... but my house is a mess cuz my mouth hurts too much to bend down & such,

Welp good night... I hope

I had oral surgery on Thursday afternoon...ouch! I'm a weenie cuz I'm still hurting. Of course I wasn't all the way out when he started pulling on the bad tooth... horrible sound to hear your tooth being ripped outta your head!

I went yesterday & took some "belly" pictures for a baby shower on Sunday. Gonna have to get them printed & framed today. They turned out beautiful... but of course I'm my own worse critic & can find all the flaws in them. I think the couple will be happy with them though. They look so cute together. Jessica REALLY wanted the husband to wrap his arms around the wife's belly & make a heart with his fingers. We all though it was kinda silly but it turned out sooo cute.

I'm still moving kinda slow from the surgery but I will get them framed today & ready for tomorrow. I am so honored that people think enough of my amateur photography skills that they keep asking me to come back for more events.

Finally.... A Family Night

Tonight I'm cooking dinner for the family... all of us together. We're having homemade cheeseburgers, bakes home fries, homemade Caesar Salad....yum. But the best part is we'll all be together.

I Love My Dentist, Dog & Job

Went to the dentist this morning after work - yuck. Don't get me wrong but it sucked not being able to come straight home work to my nice warm bed! And I have to go back in the morning again but I've gotten someone to work my shift tomorrow night. My mouth doesn't hurt which is a good thing but I have to have some more extensive work done even after tomorrow. Getting old Sucks!! At least my teeth still look pretty enough & they're mine!

I love my dog! He's so damn cute, even if he does bark & wake me up.

Better start getting ready for work. I have a feeling it's gonna be a long night... and "tonight's gonna be a good, good night!" - Black Eyed Peas.

Just trying to get ready for work. Lavender bath before work isn't a good idea. You smell great but it also calms ya down & makes you sleepy. Oh... are night shift workers ever NOT sleepy?

And by the way...Besides having the best husband in the world... I also have the best kid & best dog, too. See it's true! God does give us His very best!

Best of Both Worlds in One

I just woke up & was having a piece of toast when I heard my hubby's mo-mo pulling up... gotta love loud pipes! Anyways, he was just getting home from Church. There is NOTHING sexier than a ex-heroin addict biker turned Christ loving, God fearing man. God gave me the best of both worlds in Duck! The Christ loving bad boy who's been stripped & saved from all the garbage of this world! MAN, I LOVE MY MAN! Yum yum eat 'em up!

P.S. I'm gonna go kiss him now & get my butt back to bed. Work again tonight!

4 am & All's Well... darn it!!

It's 4 am & quiet as a mouse here at work...& if you've ever worked the medical field you never say the "Q word" (Quiet) cuz it just stirs up trouble but man o man we could use a bit of trouble around here. I pray for my friends & their jobs... crap, I pray about my job! We just don't have the census we used to. Where have all the sick babies gone?!?!?

Only 3 more hours until I get to go home. Wish I didn't work tonight so I could go to church this morning but staying up that long just kills me. It'll be nice to crawl into bed though. Maybe it'll rain today. It may not make for good riding weather for Duck but it's great sleeping weather for me.

I've really come to love working here. The horror stories I'd heard about the nurses just aren't true. I get along pretty well with everyone... some better than others but noone I actually dislike. It's time for rounds so I'd better check out. Until next time....

Not just another Day but definitely another Dollar

TRYING to get ready for work... good thing I love my job & co-workers! I'd really like to ride this weekend though. Jesse's gone to the DNA Dad's house & it'd be a perfect time to ride out to half moon bay & grab a burger at Gazos... although it looks like rain in the near future. Duck's putting new tires on the bike then gonna polish it up all nice & pretty. I finally got my camera back from the repair shop so I'll be taking some pix of him & the bike. I also get to do some "Pregnancy Pictures" for some friends this week. The baby shower is next weekend & they want to display the pictures I take! Cool, huh! I'll also be photographing the shower too. I have my new lenses & haven't even gotten to try them out. Better finish my makeup & go. It's already 5:30. Hi-ho, hi-ho it's off to work I go! Have a great night! ;~D

Can't figure out how to post my photos on a slide show gadget but at least I got my name right!

Given It The Ol' College Try!

Upon the recommendation of my friend Jessica, I too have started a blog. Now the fun is trying to figure out how to use it. It'll be a nice way for me to ramble on as I do without taking up so much space on Facebook. So I'm off to play with it now... wish me luck!