Not Happily Ever After...

After 9 years together my husband & I have ended our marriage. Somewhat of a mutual agreement but a very, very sad situation. How did we get so wrapped up in life that we lost the love. He was my best friend, my soulmate. And now I feel like I have a HUGE hole in my heart & my life.

I'm packing up our dream home. Jesse & I are moving to a smaller place. Do you know how hard it is to fit your life in a 1300 sq ft house with a 800 sq ft basement into a 950 sq ft house? It's hard. Do YOU know how hard it is to separate 9 years of intertwined lives. It is so damn hard there's days I don't think I will survive - like someone took all the breath & life out of me when he walked away. Do YOU know how hard it is to wake up & face this world without the love of your life by your side? DO YOU KNOW HOW DAMN BAD IT HURTS? Do you know how tired I am. Tired of packing, tired of crying, tired of trying to be strong, tired of trying to move on? Do you know that my daughter is holding it together for me. She's carrying me thru this rather than vice versa.

I removed our wedding flower and the motorcycle we bought together and my FAVORITE picture of us together from my blog page. Poof just like that gone. Deleted. No more. I wish the pain & the tears & the misery could be deleted just as easily.

But he LOVES Jesse so much... drove all the way to Fresno for the WBA Band & Color Guard Championship... to see her final performance of the season. And knowing that man & how much he loves her, he'll be at her competitions next year too, and the year after that, and after that, and after that.

At least it's not an ugly ending, just sad. There's no fighting. No yelling. No ugly words or accusations. It's just over & I am so very sad. At least when we see each other it's not awkward. At least we still like each other enough to be civil & communicate like reasonable adults. At least he's still in my life, even if it's not as my husband & my Happily Ever After.